"Look Back"

(This post was originally written  in June 8, 2012 on our Facebook page.)
 
I haven't posted in a while as I have been on a spiritual respite of sorts. I needed to step away for a moment to work on "Yolanda". The past few months have been eventful for me I could barely keep up and after a series of events I have found that it is necessary to take some time to pay attention to some spiritual and personal areas of my life. I have learned that if I am to be any good to anyone I have to first take care of and deal with me. While on this respite I have been digging deep to come to a resolution about some issues that have had me in quite a quandary. Not so much a particular situation that had me puzzled as to what to do but a series of events that I have had the pleasure of experiencing the past few months that had me questioning my abilities, my actions, God, my purpose in life and how and if I should move forward. Taking these moments are not unusual for me. I tend to get in this space where I shut down, shut up and get quiet when I feel as though my life is getting complicated, out of sorts and filled with confusion. And when I get in this space I tend to do a “LOOK BACK”.

When I was Revenue Agent for the State I learned a piece of terminology called a “look back period". A look back period is where an organization or company looks back over previous periods to come to a determination or an outcome for a particular situation. So that's what I have done for the past few weeks. Now when I do these "look back periods" I tend to “look back” over MY life to examine me, the choices I have made, the outcome of said choices, what I have experienced, the lessons learned, how God moved, how he brought me through and how am I to move forward with this new knowledge. I believe that everything we go through is for a reason, some reasons we may not know but some reason we may know. It may be to either improve certain areas of our lives, to prevent repeating detrimental and destructive behavior/ situations or to help someone else.

If you haven't figured it out. I am on a constant quest to improve and better myself and my life. I am always thinking and analyzing. Sometimes it works against me…but a lot of times it works for my good. I always ask myself during times lilke this in my life, how did I get in this particular circumstance, what am I suppose to learn, where did I go right or wrong and how can I never experience this foolishness again. And today while thinking and talking with my main confidant..."God". I was led to go to a site that I had blogged for last year...."Glamazini". Ini is the owner of this blog and she blogs about being natural and other subject matter. It is a very informative and enlightening blog. I met Ini through an online community board. I periodically kept an online journal on this board and I would share about my life experiences. One day she read in one of my journals about my natural hair journey and she requested that I share my story on her blog. Well, today while perusing her blog a link for the guest blog that I did for her was at the bottom with my picture and story. I do not believe that this was a coincidence as I have been to her blog many times in the past few weeks and haven’t seen this link. But today…..it was there. I clicked on the link and began to read what I shared with the world. It brought tears to my eyes, reading back over my "testimony". It brought back so many feelings...the feelings of fear, grief, despair, loneliness and anger. Feelings that I thought I would never shed. And then when I read the comments, I was really moved. Not because they were praising me, but because they were praising the God that brought me through! And as I "look back" I remember how I felt when God brought me through those things...the feeling of freedom, victory, joy and release. Remember that old song..…

”LOOK WHERE HE BROUGHT ME FROM…HE BROUGHT ME OUT OF DARKNESS AND INTO THE MARVELOUS LIGHT…LOOK WHERE HE BROUGHT ME FROM.

Well…that was my theme song for today.

The title of my blog was…”Then Job arose tore his robe and shaved his head….” I shared how my life paralleled Job and how my “process” to becoming natural was the catalyst in setting me free from darkness and into the marvelous light. I was reminded that Job trusted God and went through the process despite what he went through and because of his faith he ultimately received double for his trouble. Isn’t God something…he always knows what to give you at the exact moment you need it. I was reminded to “look where he ALREADY brought me from”!

Now let me be clear, these “look back periods” is not the time to wallow in self-pity and mourn about what was lost; I look back to place things in perspective so that I may reach a positive outcome. These “look back periods” are to provide a better understanding as to how I was accountable, to appreciate and respect the process, how with God’s divine providence I can move forward and to also remind me that victory is possible again if I do not give up and remain focus.

So my conclusion from this particular look back period is that the present does not represent the future. That what I am experiencing is a process that I must go through and that I am to take the lessons learned… apply….readjust… move forward. I will admit that I was surely feeling weary, torn, battered and bruised but as I “look back” I now have gained a new determination, new boldness, new focus and new vision. I just have to take the brakes off and allow myself to go through the process as Job did, and if I do this it will be another "testament" to the power and greatness of the one true and living God. And his greatness will be told because he knows that I will tell it so that others may be set free! The lessons that I am learning in this present experience are surely for his good as I will be able to build upon them and use it for God's glory. But to obtain the greatness and the destiny purposed for me…I must go through the process so I can again say….”LOOK WHERE HE BROUGHT ME FROM”!

Click Link Below to View Blog on Glamazini!

job arose and tore his robe...